Born This Way

Who wants to be normal? Not me.  But to be in control of my own body would be fantastic.  In the past 18 months I've seen a plethora of doctors and the overwhelming response from them is 'but you look so normal'.  Looks can be very deceiving!  My ailments have baffled doctors across two continents.  I've dealt with constant pain for far too many years.... and I always thought it was normal.  I figured, hey, I was born this way so why fight it or complain? I could have drawn a much shorter straw, after all! Chronic pain pretty much runs in my family, so it's not like I'm alone.

The list of things that hurt are so long it's nearly comical, but I won't let you see me cry.  I hate it when people complain constantly... so I try to limit it to my analog blog and whining to my Mom.  I don't like people to feel sorry for me, but it consumes a large portion of my thoughts so it has to come out somewhere.

My knee surgeon (who just happens to be the official knee surgeon for the Razorbacks) told me that I am far tougher than 99% of the basketball stars that roll through his office.  His evidence was that I didn't flinch when he brought out a giant needle to inject some cortisone (which many a 6foot+ man have seen and fainted).  MY evidence came today.  I've started seeing a chiropractor to try and get some relief.  I much appreciate him and his method of bone-cracking... but re-arranging the structure of my hips, spine and neck is not an easy or painless process.  Today after my adjustment, my left side was particularly angry about being jostled about.  While my boss gave me tasks that I executed with tears in my eyes, he didn't even seem to notice.  I'm sure he noticed that my level of frustration was higher than normal and that my fuse was short... because that is the opposite of my normal.  I'm a natural avoider. He probably just thought I was being a bitch for fun.  But he didn't notice that every time he turned his back, or took a phone call, I collapsed in pain on the floor.  Literally.  Did I get my job done? You shouldn't even have to ask.  I am determined that this will not be my new normal.... and now I have a doctor on board who is equally determined.

I was born this way, baby... but hopefully I'm on the right track to get healthy.